


boys don't cry.

by kittysneaker



Category: Sweet Home (Manhwa), 스위트홈 | Sweet Home (TV)
Genre: Depression, Other, Self Harm, bad grammar sorry, idk man, kinda like...Hyun when he was in highschool, mention of self harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-16
Updated: 2021-01-16
Packaged: 2021-03-13 18:13:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28782519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kittysneaker/pseuds/kittysneaker
Summary: It's too loud.He could still hear the nagging behind his ears, spitting lies he grew to believe inside his head and nasty thoughts of escapism trying to push him into the bottom of ocean. He couldn't stop from listening to it no matter how hard he try to block out the noise with deluding himself with video games, he couldn't escape from the feeling of overwhelmed and humiliation.It's too loud.
Comments: 5
Kudos: 27





	boys don't cry.

**Author's Note:**

> im sorry for bad grammar :[ omg...  
> i just,,kinda write this because i do a character study and like, kinda a vent?? idk..  
> btw i love hyun with all my heart! but sometimes it's hurt. 😭😭

It's too loud.

He could still hear the nagging behind his ears, spitting lies he grew to believe inside his head and nasty thoughts of escapism trying to push him into the bottom of ocean. He couldn't stop from listening to it no matter how hard he try to block out the noise with deluding himself with video games, he couldn't escape from the feeling of overwhelmed and humiliation. 

_It's too loud._

He try to hold his head high, but it's not working. He try to do everything he could to shut down the voices that keep getting louder and louder each day, even if it's mean slitting his wrist when everyone in their house busy in their dreamland.

_**When did everything became so loud?** _

he just wanted to run away, to find somewhere that he could feels safe. Somewhere where the bad days couldn't follow after him, somewhere he can be loved and somewhere where he don't have to run away from his flaws. He didn't want to be afraid of his thoughts anymore.

Hyun breathe out silently as he took off his school uniform before throw them near his bedroom door, he couldn't look at the dirty and foot print covered uniform more than 2 second without despise it.

If only he didn't offer his hand that day, when the skies were bright and blue, maybe he won't feel like killing himself so bad like now?

It's like he was a animal, walking straight into bear trap when he could've avoid it.

_"Because Hyun is such a nice person."_

And by a _nice person_ , meant, he should've choose to ignore the guy when he saw him crouching in front of the canned drink machine and let him mind his own business.

_"That would be not very nice of you. You shouldn't do that."_

And then what he could've do?

_"Offered him your hand, laugh a little. Offered him your dirty coin like a nice person you are._   
_aren't you a nice person afterall, **Hyun**?"_

Then he would slitting his wrist on his daily basis like what he did now. Waking up angry after he passed out from losing lots of blood, realizing he didn't die.

He knew the whole school wanted him dead, even his own family abandoned him instead of trying to fix everything, everything that wasn't even his fault to begin with.

maybe they just wanted to have something to do in their boring life, they couldn't live without making someone's life miserable because to them, it was like something religious to do.

Hyun the punching bag.

_Useful Hyun._

_**Useful Hyun.** _

  
**  
**

###  **Ǘ͉S̺̙̜̀͐̚Ĕ͙̤̋F̤̳̯͙̐̂̍͞U͍͎̻̜̓͒̈̽͜͡L ̙̥́̿Ḩ̱̘͈̈́̈̐̕Ȳ̡Ů̞N̠̼̘̊̿́̎͟.**

Sometimes their word and painful punches making Hyun doubt whenever he should be here or not. Maybe he should've jump from the train railing a few years ago before he decided to offer his hand to the stranger he didn't know. 

The day he were joking with his friends when they were hanging out in the city, then they decided to take train home. Hyun were joking with his friends before one of them accidentally shove him too hard in playful manner. He almost fall into the rail road, thankfully one of his friend manage to pull his arm just in time as train passing by.

The day he almost lost his 15 years old life.

  
He still remember how the sky looked so different that evening and how cold the wind hitting him softly when he walk back home from the train station, head hanging low while refreshing the memory how he almost fall into the exit. He hold tight on his backpack strap like it was his life line.

Maybe he should've actually done it,

maybe he should've choose the exit door,

If he did, he didn't have to face the dirty and disgusted look people throw at him whenever he entered his classroom.  
The faces, which, was his _**friends**_.

He swear he did try his best to make it better, he try to smile and act nicely, but he only get yelled and hit in return. He still remember his mother's expression when she came to pick him up from school the first day he got bullied badly. His mother wouldn't even talk to him that evening, not even look at him for second. Hyun sat silently on the passenger seat and turn to look outside the car window.

The sky were red as sun say it goodbye,

it was red,

Very red.

As red as the blood he tried to scrub from the bathroom sink when he first swipe the knife cutter onto his wrist.  
It's remind him of when he was 7, he always curious how his mother always swipe her credit card whenever she went to shopping at the mall, and that tiny magical card, manage to get him, his favorite chocolate cereal.

The way she swipe it, that's how he swipe the knife onto his skin, breaking the once flawless and delicate skin.

  
He watch his blood rushing out of his wrist onto the bathroom sink before went for another cuts,  
and another,

_and another._

He hate how he almost melt at the second cuts, but that mechanism manage to make him somehow calm. _  
_

  
For once, Hyun feel **relief**.

The time he exit the bathroom, he can hear his father's snore from the downstairs. Which mean they had dinner without him _again_.

But not that it's matter. He didn't need to eat when he gonna took his own life soon anyway.

When Hyun finished changing from his school uniform into his casual black shirt and a tracksuit, he sunk into his once, _study_ table chair before turn on his computer switch.

He waited for the small monitor to load before clicking on the online video game he were playing yesterday. Deluding himself with video games are the only thing that makes him feel somehow better with his fucked up life. Why would other thing matter anymore, anyway?

He were hours into his game before a gentle knock echoing his dark room,

_"Hyun?"_

Hyun ignored it, his tired eyes glued onto the monitor screen. Not caring around the world around him.

"Hyun? are you sure you didn't want to come with us?" his mother asked, sound hopefully as she try to open the door of her oldest son's room. She let out a soft sigh when she realized it's locked from the inside.

"It's family gathering, so.. maybe.., maybe you should come this time. How long you gonna lock yourself in there, _Honey_?" She added again.

_Don't fucking call me honey, **You don't even care about me.**_

When Hyun didn't respond after a few minutes, his mother finally give up and told him they'll be back in a few hours.

They'll be back in a few hours.

_They'll be back in a few hours._

**Ring, Ring, Ring.**

"urgh...Hello? why are you calling- it's midnight-"

"Yeah, it was my family. what do you mean-"

**_"Huh?"_ **


End file.
